feeling a bit better today I just let stress get the best of me and im not even sure what im stressed about I need to stop being a sad person, happy thoughts and positive vibes are key for me but for now im off to do laundry which I haven’t done in like 3 weeks I believe haha :)

blah im always screwing shit up like I just cant keep my mouth shut and accept people in my life cuz ill always be scared that they’ll hurt me, ive been thru a lot of bad moments  in life that im emotionally scarred for life in a way I think I have something good right now but I feel like im pushing that person away with my constant non sense and idiotic remarks I guess that’s just me being bipolar im sure she cares a lot about me and I do as well but im  just so insecure and im bad at showing feelings like if I could id tell her how I feel this very instant but im scared af im terrible at this today is a new day and im gonna see if I can patch myself up or gain closure to this cuz this in the end will hurt me and I know that for a fact im just so out of it today and sad in a way I think shes lying to me but in another I feel like shes not I have terrible trust issues I really know for a fact what I feel for her I think she does know or maybe she doesn’t cuz all the times ive said it ive been drunk out of my mind I really wanna work things out with this person, she means a lot to me im just so FUCKING STUPID!! I kinda have realized why past relationships never worked for me I have issues with people I sometimes don’t even trust myself its about to be 2 am and I just want it to be morning so I can patch things up with her I guess sober kenny kinda got used to drunk kenny that idk wheres left and wheres right I hate how after a while I cant function without alcohol but today ill draw the line this has to end either good or bad I hope it doesn’t end thou Im just a 23 yr old boy going on 24 whos misunderstood just wanting to be loved or at least have someone show me they care, goodnight.